Best Work Ever From My Mum

My mum has been gone now for eleven years this December.  We all miss her terribly, every single day and the story of dealing with the grief from that is a blog for another day.  For today, I wanted to honour her memory by sharing some of mum’s classic phrases, which my siblings tried desperately to prevent their children from ever repeating!!!

Suggesting what the kids can do when they’re bored: “Stand on your head and fart ‘Springtime in the Rockies!” I only recently realised the reference to John Denver, of whom mum was a huge fan!

What to say to the kids when they are shitting you: “Do you want it (your face) slapped or (your arse) kicked?”

“I might kick your arse.”

The classic rhyme to teach the Grand Kids:

Captain Cook done a poop behind the kitchen door. 

A bit of glass

Stuck up his arse

And made him do some more.

 Random rhymes that Mum would say because she could: “Look into my eyes you big black bastard! Your eyes shine like two cats’ arses.  Your love sticks to me like shit sticks to a blanket!”

 

Thoughts on my dad: “Your father is the most aggravating man that ever walked the earth”. 

“Your father is as tight as a fish’s arse, and that’s watertight!”

Objects Mum used to throw at dad:            Dog food cans

                                                                        Toy Xylophones

                                                                        Broom Handles….

Although regarding the broom handle, my understanding is that was more of actually belting dad over the head with it rather than throwing it at him, after yet another drunken night out with the boys.  The punishment may not have been quite so bad, except dad never told mum that he was going out drinking; he snuck down to the "toilet out the back", got changed and off he went!! And it wasn't the first time!  Dad was not a fast learner 😅

I often wonder how mum would have coped during this lockdown and when I think of how she used to laugh and conspire with the grandkids to repeat all her inappropriate phrases, I recognise that she would have used humour and inspired all of us 💙

In the famous words of my brother, (who will have a future blog devoted to him!) we raise a glass to Miriam Beth with a robust "YEEHAH!"